BEFORE YOU SAY, "I DO"

Secrets To Marital Success
In this part of our discussion I promised to look at the critical issues that my friend, his ex and all those in same shoes should have thought about before they rushed to say, "I do." Yes if I were given the opportunity before their marriage I would have wanted my friend to evaluate his readiness for marriage. I would also have assisted him in being able to identify key topics for discussion prior to the said marriage.
My first act would have been to give him a pre-marital assessment to find out if he was really ready for Marriage. I would have given him a couple of questions to rate each statement from 0-10, 10 being the best and 0 being the worst. The questions would be something like: My dear friend,
1. Do you know what you really want? Do you have a clear vision for your lives together? Do you have a clear picture of the goals that would keep you motivated to move forward when the exigencies of married life call?.
2. Do you feel happy and successful? Do you enjoy your life, your work, your family, your friends and your own company as a matter of fact? Are you living the life that you really want, and are you planning to marry out of a desire for companionship and not out of desperation and need?
3. Do you have effective communication skills? Do you understand the dynamics of relationships, can you maintain closeness and intimacy, can you negotiate differences positively, can you allow yourself to trust and be vulnerable, and can you give and receive love without emotional barriers?
I would also like the couple to answer some pertinent personal questions which they would have to answer in the context of their personal knowledge of each other. It will be something like:
4. Are both of you ready for an intentional and exclusive commitment? Do you have any emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship? Will your present schedule, commitments, and lifestyle allow you to build a new future with each other?
5. Are each of you satisfied with his or her career? Is your work fulfilling, will it support your lifestyle, and not be too stressful for the relationship? Do you enjoy your work, and maintain a comfortable balance between work and play?
6. Are you healthy in mind, body, spirit and pocketbook? Are you very sure that your physical, mental, emotional and financial health will not interfere with having the life and relationship you are planning to have?
Again, I would like each of them to answer personally from their own self awareness that their personal financial and legal issues were under control. Each of them should be able to say:
7. I have no financial or legal issues that would interfere with my marriage. I am not expecting my partner to rescue me from any legal or financial problems."
8. I understand my financial obligations. I understand my own money issues and I am working on them. I am striving to achieve balance in my financial life.
9. I am comfortable with my spiritual beliefs. My partner and I have discussed our religious beliefs.
10. I am committed to a life apart from my parents. My partner and I understand the importance of parents in our lives, but also have discussed the need for building our own traditions and values.
A 1997 Statistics on Marriage and Divorce have shown that 7.2 years is median duration of marriage. The same stats also proved that 50% of first marriages end in divorce while 60% of second marriages end in divorce also.
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory."
I think the most pertinent honest question one has to ask oneself honestly before one says I do is, why do I really want to get married? There are as many unhealthy reasons as there are healthy ones. Are you getting married to: avoid Loneliness, to cope with sexual frustration or to avoid bad family situations? Or are you getting married for love and commitment, sharing a life together and intimacy and companionship?
There are certain things one needs to know before getting married. One truly needs to know oneself. You must understand what drives you. You must be aware of your strengths and limitations.
Jonathan Jackson, son of Rev. Jessie Jackson, and a commodities trader at the Chicago Board of Trade stated that the best pre-marital advice he received "was not to look for the right person, but to be the right person. You can't wish someone would be a certain way. Either she is or she isn't." (Ebony, Aug. 96)
You must endeavor to know one another. You must know the dynamics of your relationship. It is like the wisdom of a 10 year-old. "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and the dip coming." You must have good communication. You must be aware of how well you communicate with one another. David Snead, General Superintendent of the Detroit Public Schools stated, "if there is a magical secret to a successful relationship -communication is it." (Ebony, Aug 96)
In summary you must think of your religious preferences, parental relationships, family traditions, careers, emotional issues, finances, leisure time,
Marriage is a wonderful institution that can bring a lasting sense of personal fulfillment and joy, but it requires two healthy individuals, who are willing to be honest and committed to it, regardless of whatever comes their way. And this begins by asking yourself the question: Have I considered the things I need to do before I commit by saying, "I DO?" Source: internet

Five Secrets to Business Success

Five Secrets to Business Success
I am often asked if I have found a secret - or at least a consistent answer - to successfully building businesses over my career.
So I’ve spent some time thinking about what characterizes so many of Virgin’s successful ventures and, importantly, what went wrong when we did not get it right. Reflecting across 40 years I have come up with five “secrets.”
No. 1: Enjoy What You Are Doing.
Because starting a business is a huge amount of hard work, requiring a great deal of time, you had better enjoy it. When I started Virgin from a basement flat in West London, I did not set out to build a business empire. I set out to create something I enjoyed that would pay the bills.
There was no great plan or strategy. The name itself was thought up on the hoof. One night some friends and I were chatting over a few drinks and decided to call our group Virgin, as we were all new to business. The name stuck and had a certain ring to it.
For me, building a business is all about doing something to be proud of, bringing talented people together and creating something that’s going to make a real difference to other people’s lives.
A businesswoman or a businessman is not unlike an artist. What you have when you start a company is a blank canvas; you have to fill it. Just as a good artist has to get every single detail right on that canvas, a businessman or businesswoman has to get every single little thing right when first setting up in business in order to succeed. However, unlike a work of art, the business is never finished. It constantly evolves.
If a businessperson sets out to make a real difference to other people’s lives, and achieves that, he or she will be able to pay the bills and have a successful business to boot.
No. 2: Create Something That Stands Out.
Whether you have a product, a service or a brand, it is not easy to start a company and to survive and thrive in the modern world. In fact, you’ve got to do something radically different to make a mark today.
Look at the most successful businesses of the past 20 years. Microsoft, Google or Apple, for example, shook up a sector by doing something that hadn’t ever been done and by continually innovating. They are now among the dominant forces.
No. 3: Create Something That Everybody Who Works for You is Really Proud of.
Businesses generally consist of a group of people, and they are your biggest assets.
No. 4: Be a Good Leader.
As a leader you have to be a really good listener. You need to know your own mind but there is no point in imposing your views on others without some debate. No one has a monopoly on good ideas or good advice.
Get out there, listen to people, draw people out and learn from them. As a leader you’ve also got to be extremely good at praising people. Never openly criticize people; never lose your temper, and always lavish praise on your colleagues for a job well done.
People flourish if they’re praised. Usually they don’t need to be told when they’ve done wrong because most of the time they know it. If somebody is not working out, don’t automatically throw him or her out of the company. A company should genuinely be a family. So see if there’s another job within the company that suits them better. On most occasions you’ll find something for every single kind of personality.
No. 5: Be Visible.
A good leader does not get stuck behind a desk. I’ve never worked in an office - I’ve always worked from home - but I get out and about, meeting people. It seems I am traveling all the time but I always have a notebook in my back pocket to jot down questions, concerns or good ideas.
If I’m on a Virgin Atlantic plane, I make certain to get out and meet all the staff and many of the passengers. If you meet a group of Virgin Atlantic crew members, you are going to have at least 10 suggestions or ideas. If I don’t write them down, I may remember only one the next day. By writing them down, I remember all 10. Get out and shake hands with all the passengers on the plane, and again, there are going to be people who had a problem or have a suggestion. Write it down, make sure that you get their names, get their e-mail addresses, and make sure the next day that you respond to them.
Of course, I try to make sure that we appoint managing directors who have the same philosophy. That way we can run a large group of companies in the same way a small business owner runs a family business - keeping it responsive and friendly.
When you’re building a business from scratch, the key word for many years is “survival.” It’s tough to survive. In the beginning you haven’t got the time or energy to worry about saving the world. You’ve just got to fight to make sure you can look after your bank manager and be able to pay the bills. Literally, your full concentration has to be on surviving.
Obviously, if you don’t survive, just remember that most businesses fail and the best lessons are usually learned from failure. You must not get too dispirited. Just get back up and try again.
© 2010 Richard Branson