BEFORE YOU SAY, "I DO"

Secrets To Marital Success
In this part of our discussion I promised to look at the critical issues that my friend, his ex and all those in same shoes should have thought about before they rushed to say, "I do." Yes if I were given the opportunity before their marriage I would have wanted my friend to evaluate his readiness for marriage. I would also have assisted him in being able to identify key topics for discussion prior to the said marriage.
My first act would have been to give him a pre-marital assessment to find out if he was really ready for Marriage. I would have given him a couple of questions to rate each statement from 0-10, 10 being the best and 0 being the worst. The questions would be something like: My dear friend,
1. Do you know what you really want? Do you have a clear vision for your lives together? Do you have a clear picture of the goals that would keep you motivated to move forward when the exigencies of married life call?.
2. Do you feel happy and successful? Do you enjoy your life, your work, your family, your friends and your own company as a matter of fact? Are you living the life that you really want, and are you planning to marry out of a desire for companionship and not out of desperation and need?
3. Do you have effective communication skills? Do you understand the dynamics of relationships, can you maintain closeness and intimacy, can you negotiate differences positively, can you allow yourself to trust and be vulnerable, and can you give and receive love without emotional barriers?
I would also like the couple to answer some pertinent personal questions which they would have to answer in the context of their personal knowledge of each other. It will be something like:
4. Are both of you ready for an intentional and exclusive commitment? Do you have any emotional or legal baggage from a previous relationship? Will your present schedule, commitments, and lifestyle allow you to build a new future with each other?
5. Are each of you satisfied with his or her career? Is your work fulfilling, will it support your lifestyle, and not be too stressful for the relationship? Do you enjoy your work, and maintain a comfortable balance between work and play?
6. Are you healthy in mind, body, spirit and pocketbook? Are you very sure that your physical, mental, emotional and financial health will not interfere with having the life and relationship you are planning to have?
Again, I would like each of them to answer personally from their own self awareness that their personal financial and legal issues were under control. Each of them should be able to say:
7. I have no financial or legal issues that would interfere with my marriage. I am not expecting my partner to rescue me from any legal or financial problems."
8. I understand my financial obligations. I understand my own money issues and I am working on them. I am striving to achieve balance in my financial life.
9. I am comfortable with my spiritual beliefs. My partner and I have discussed our religious beliefs.
10. I am committed to a life apart from my parents. My partner and I understand the importance of parents in our lives, but also have discussed the need for building our own traditions and values.
A 1997 Statistics on Marriage and Divorce have shown that 7.2 years is median duration of marriage. The same stats also proved that 50% of first marriages end in divorce while 60% of second marriages end in divorce also.
Abraham Lincoln once said, "Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory."
I think the most pertinent honest question one has to ask oneself honestly before one says I do is, why do I really want to get married? There are as many unhealthy reasons as there are healthy ones. Are you getting married to: avoid Loneliness, to cope with sexual frustration or to avoid bad family situations? Or are you getting married for love and commitment, sharing a life together and intimacy and companionship?
There are certain things one needs to know before getting married. One truly needs to know oneself. You must understand what drives you. You must be aware of your strengths and limitations.
Jonathan Jackson, son of Rev. Jessie Jackson, and a commodities trader at the Chicago Board of Trade stated that the best pre-marital advice he received "was not to look for the right person, but to be the right person. You can't wish someone would be a certain way. Either she is or she isn't." (Ebony, Aug. 96)
You must endeavor to know one another. You must know the dynamics of your relationship. It is like the wisdom of a 10 year-old. "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and the dip coming." You must have good communication. You must be aware of how well you communicate with one another. David Snead, General Superintendent of the Detroit Public Schools stated, "if there is a magical secret to a successful relationship -communication is it." (Ebony, Aug 96)
In summary you must think of your religious preferences, parental relationships, family traditions, careers, emotional issues, finances, leisure time,
Marriage is a wonderful institution that can bring a lasting sense of personal fulfillment and joy, but it requires two healthy individuals, who are willing to be honest and committed to it, regardless of whatever comes their way. And this begins by asking yourself the question: Have I considered the things I need to do before I commit by saying, "I DO?" Source: internet